Aloha!

I think today deserves a post because I got my first summon in my life!

Why do I sound happy when I got summon? lol. Probably because someone finally talked to me in the pharmacy! I mean literally chat with me for a while, not just a few sentences. She is younger than me and also waiting to be enrolled into pharmacy course in UCSI! She said she is also a new staff.

Some friends of mine will dread to get summon because their fathers will scold them or they will have to pay themselves. I can only say that my father is the best father in the world LOL. He will just say: "给他中啦", or "I also kena one from Polis". He said he will wait until there is discount then only he will go pay lol. Anyhow I asked my dad to fetch me to the pharmacy from tomorrow onward because I don't want to find a parking slot for 30 minutes =.= He has to go to work anyway and I can follow his time since nobody will care whether I'm punctual or not lol. I still prefer to be a passenger lah although I think I'm quite confident in driving after these few days of driving to the pharmacy lol. Lazy perhaps?

Today the pharmacist and staffs ordered Domino's pizzas for lunch (boss didn't come today). I wondered whether they will offer me to eat also. I assumed they wouldn't so I planned to go out for my lunch when the pizza guy comes. However, my friend jio me to have lunch together at 2 pm so I had to wait loh =.= Then surprisingly a staff came to me and said I can eat also because they used "company's money" lol. Why can use company's money I don't know lah. Wanted to ask but forgot. I declined their offer by saying that I'll go out to eat soon coz I paiseh mar. At 2 pm, my friend who works at another pharmacy nearby took me to Bt. Tinggi to have lunch lol. I'm quite grateful coz I really don't know what to eat at Bayu Perdana there! Yesterday went to "Cheong Hoe" and ordered a bowl of prawn mee... The soup was salty until... Even I who don't have high expectations towards food also cannot tahan.

Yippie... Planning on a Malacca trip with high school friends again! Hope this time it won't be cancelled again!

Oh yea... Tomorrow is results day~ I didn't know until my friend told me lol. Good luck to myself!

Since I didn't go to Taiwan for my elective, and the industrial attachment slots were all taken already, now I everyday "lepak" at a community pharmacy near my house. Aiks the industrial attachment at CCM Duopharma Klang was such a nice internship! Not only it is very near my house, I just found out that they will give allowance to interns also! Too bad the slots were all taken already when I was waiting for the reply from Taiwan (damn).

Now I regret that I chose to do elective at pharmacy. The staffs here treat me like invisible. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm too quiet, or they're also quiet type of persons, or they're too busy, or they just treat interns like that. I think only got two staffs who are quite friendly and sometimes talk to me a bit. Others don't even smile to me. Of course I didn't smile first also la heheh... The boss pharmacist is also an introvert. He never speaks to me one. I hardly see him talks to other staffs also besides talking about work stuff. Hmm and I thought a good pharmacist should be talkative... From what I've heard, this pharmacist has a few pharmacy branches at Klang so he sells things for cheap price.

The first day I went to the pharmacy I felt really emo. Maybe because of disappointment? Last time when I had my 2-days attachment at Guardian Pharmacy, the pharmacist there was so nice and willing to teach us. I thought this time will somehow be similar. But no. I guess they won't teach unless I ask them, and as usual I am very reluctant to ask people, especially when people are busy and I could not give anything in return. Haha ok lo.. I guess I will just keep going there and wandering around like a ghost... I even started not to bring my bag from today (third day) onwards, so that I can leave whenever I want. Don't need to put my bag in the store room and take my bag before I leave lol.

悄悄地我走了，正如我悄悄地来。我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。

Haha 明明就很pathetic 还讲到那么潇洒。

Seriously if I just go out of the door I think nobody will know lol. Hey, maybe I have a talent of being a thief or whatnot. After all, I've stolen a couple of things before when I was small lol. I go pharmacy to learn how to become a thief or what?! lol.

Actually I'm fine with being ignored. I Just don't like to feel awkward and I care too much about what people think of me. So now I try to ignore other people also lol unless they come talk to me. I like to think myself as a customer who comes everyday but will never buy a thing lol. Yeah.. That's the best way to describe my situation now lol.

Everyday I just observe how the pharmacist /staffs serve the customers. But usually after lunch I feel sleepy then no mood to observe already. Sometimes I will try to remember the location of the supplements, hoping that I can help customers to find what they want too. But I will just go there for 2 weeks (to be exact, 10days) wor... So I also don't really have the heart to memorise that.


Haiz, I rather stay at home watch "My Love from the Star " whole day, although it's not that nice to watch. Actually I can just stop going to the pharmacy coz I just need to write a report myself. I can refer to the Guardian Pharmacy attachment reports that my course mates posted on E-learning Portal last semester. But not nice la because it might leaves bad impression. Now every night I will feel emo when I'm reminded of the fact that tomorrow I have to go pharmacy again. Just like the Sunday nights during Semester 1 when I had to go back to hostel. Haiz, I just need to endure for 9 more days...! Hwaiting! Time passes very fast one right??? Then after that I will sure celebrate! lol.

This is a backdated entry.



23 April 2014

After several months of deterioration, my grandfather (paternal) finally passed away (pardon my bad English haha). My other grandparents all died of cancers, but not my grandfather. He died of old age which many people think it is the best way to leave the world. Not really.

Honestly speaking, cancer might be better.Well, maybe just from my perspective. Take my grandpa for example, as the days approached the day he died, his body systems started failing gradually. Most common was of course he couldn't control his bladder anymore. His appetite became small. Whatever he had eaten seemed unable to be absorbed and he got thinner and thinner until the bones were visible. However, he still asked for mutton curry. It was his favourite food, they said.

His muscles became weaker and weaker till the point that he was bedridden. Even turning his body to the other side on the bed also need two people to help him. He didn't like to watch TV so the only thing he could do was just watching the ceiling. Haiz. I cannot imagine how sien and lifeless he was in those days. Luckily my mum will go talk to him when she'd got free time. Honestly I think my mum was the person who chatted the most with him. Even his sons (including my dad) and daughters also didn't talk to him that much. I understand why. Coz we didn't know what to talk to him (my uncle said so himself). My mum memang pro in chatting, the gene runs in her family lol (why didn't I get it? :/). Not to mention, grandpa didn't have energy to speak also. And just the week before grandpa died, I remember hearing my mum said grandpa's skin was so thin that it was easily torn and bleed.

Although having cancer might be more painful than this, but it might also ends faster. Like my grandpa, his condition dragged on for months and he didn't know when he will die. I think that knowing you're going to die soon but not knowing the exact day, and the only thing you can do is counting days, is scary.

I didn't see anyone cried or any sort of act of sadness. I guess we all think it was a relief for him. He was a very healthy 84 + year-old man with hardly any disease (my dad inherited the diseases from my grandma I supposed wtf).

He died around 6 AM in the morning. I woke up around 10 AM as usual, oblivious of what had happened (though I felt slightly weird that nobody was at home and I heard my mum's voice from the next door), ate my breakfast leisurely while reading newspaper. After I finished my breakfast then only I noticed a memo left by my mum on the table.

So I went over to see my grandpa after shower. He was even thinner than I last saw him! Looked like a skeleton coz he was also tall (my dad inherited the short genes from my grandma too...). My aunt (dad's youngest sis) was in the room 念经-ing. And guess what?  My mum told me to 念经also -.- Nothing complicated, just keep repeating "amitabha" along with the song coming from the little speaker thingy that I'm familiar with. Initially I felt really ridiculous... Coz I think it's pointless to do such things after someone died because once he's dead, there's just corspe left. But then after that I rather sat  in the room for 2 hours because I didn't know what to do anyway -.- I also stopped repeating amitabha because felt sien liao. So I just daydreamed / listened to relatives' conversations going on outside of the room.


The funeral was different from the previous ones I had attended. Now everyone wears white shirts and trousers. Last time, only the sons and daughters of the deceased wear all-white while grandchildren wear all-blue. Now, grandchildren will pin a patch of blue cloth at the left sleeve. According to the erm... funeral guy, it looks nicer this way lol. Everything needs to improve with time huh.

My aunt is a Buddhist, not a Daoist. Therefore, my grandpa's funeral followed the Buddhist rules. We invited monks and nun instead of Daoist priests. No roasted pig for guests because Buddhists are vegetarian. Every night we gotta 念经 for at least 1 hour non-stop (luckily the funeral only lasted 3 days 2 nights). YES. WE had to 念经!

When I was 念经-ing, I kept thinking that my friends were studying for exam while I had to study 地藏菩萨本愿经. They lent us the books and we tried to keep up with the monks / nun. OMG... At some point they read very fast until we cannot follow. I was impressed with the monks especially the nun coz they were able to read out all the words without mistakes.

Actually I was quite fascinated with all the Chinese traditions. I kept wondering whether these traditions will be forgotten one day... Such a pity... Young generation like me, doesn't know how to carry out these traditions. I don't even understand the Chinese calendar. Does anyone younger than 30 even know how does a  Chinese calendar work?
And then while we were 念经-ing, my dog kept barking from my house. Although I couldn't see her, I knew that she was barking at us. I think she knew we were at the next door and when she heard so many people 念经, she became scared or something. At that moment, I really wanted to go back home and calm my dog. But instead I could just ignore her barking. Pity her... She is a very persistent dog, will bark for 30 mins or even longer until people acknowledge her. I think she was quite scared during those days, even when the people set up the canopies also she didn't dare to go outside. She just sat near the stairs and kept staring at outside -.- My dog is very timid indeed. Even more pitiful is she kena squished by the autogate when my parents were rushing to next door. My dad was in a rush going to next door to pray, while my dog saw my mum waiting outside and nobody telling her "NO"... So she tried to run out when the gate was almost closed! A squeal of pain was heard! She was still crying after my mum picked her up. She even peed again out of fear I supposed... Luckily nothing serious happened! WTH! Then my dad kena scolded by my mum because he was the one closing the door haha.
My grandpa really knew how to choose a good timing to die (this my uncle said one which I agreed). My dad just came back from China, my uncle's family nearly gone to Taiwan for vacation (they postponed a day and bought air tickets and gone Taiwan straight after the funeral), and I was back at home for study week!!! So, all family members were at the funeral except one cousin who was at UTAR Kampar.



25 April 2014

The guests who came for the funeral on the last day were less than those came during my another grandfather's (maternal) funeral. Probably because my grandpa didn't have many friends or relatives. Felt a bit 凄凉… I didn't feel sad at all when I found out he died or during the funeral. However on the last day, when we were giving last respect (don't know what is it called), suddenly I just felt like crying but I managed to hold my tears back. It started when the sound of the nails being driven into the coffin. Maybe it means that I will never see my grandpa again subconsciously. Or the funeral music sounded sad.

I saw some people's eyes were wet also but not sure whether it's because they cried or the smoke from joss sticks irritated their eyes. If not, I don't think I've seen anyone cry in the funeral. Is it real that nobody feel sad that he died?




Well, I think that's all I remember. Was so busy until no time to blog and when I do have time I already don't have the same feeling to blog. This post I typed using my phone whenever I'm waiting for time to pass (when I was in the car or in the pharmacy lol). That means it was typed on different days lol.