Tonight must be my most emo day of Semester 7. My eyes are so tired but I couldn't sleep. So I decided to blog wtf.

What happened that made me emo? I don't know exactly. But I suspect the stress caused by thesis writing contributed partly. Although I don't think it's something hard to do until I should feel stressed about it, but I guess my body can feel the pressure subconsciously. What am I talking?

So... the main problem is actually my graduation trip. It all comes down to the graduation trip eventually =.= To be honest, I think it's not gonna happen again.

Was having lunch with a few friends today and they were talking about AirAsia promotion. There're cheap tickets to Taiwan and they wanna find more people for the trip so that it's cheaper to rent a van there. I WANT TO GO TAIWAN. I want to go overseas for vacation so badly (thanks to many primary school, high school and uni friends who everyone happened to be posting pictures of them enjoying their overseas life - be it studying or work travelling). Well, they asked me if I wanna go. I said I'll ask my dad (for sponsorship) first.

I'm very scared to ask my dad for something that costs a huge sum. To give you and idea: it took me a whole month to finally pluck up my courage to ask my dad to buy Samsung Galaxy S2 for me. Fear of rejection, maybe? But if I really think about it, I have no problem telling my mum o.O Or maybe I cared too much about what my dad thinks of me coz his mindset is like, kids shouldn't spend money when they can't earn money themselves yet.

Well, this time I didn't take a long time. I thought just do it wtf cannot then cannot I don't care. AND HE SAID OKAY! I think he kinda doesn't dare to break my fragile heart since that time I cried when he refused to buy me my Nokia N81 lol.

And also, I asked him to choose for me: to go internship + vacation for a month, or just go for vacation. Coz I couldn't decide lol. He told me to go for vacation enough lol. OK dad settled.

However, I don't really wanna join the group who asked me because I'm not close to most of the people! Moreover, they're all in pairs (gf bf)! Of course I can try to enjoy being alone and all... but I can't guarantee I can do it! And I'm not willing to risk my precious trip and let it ruin my mood! I tried to pull someone to pair with me but she doesn't want. How about my uni gang then? Talk about this then feel emo. My gang is not actually considered a gang because it consists of two persons only lol. I asked one of them already but she said she wants to go Korea and I think her intent to go Korea is pretty determined because she's a K-pop fan. I'm not interested to go Korea and it's so expensive now I rather go Japan. Another friend probably doesn't have mood to think about it right now because her survey data collection is still pending!

So what now?! I don't know! Probably won't go anywhere for graduation dy! In fact, I don't really care whether I'm able to have graduation trip anymore! It's not that important actually. But since I'm in an emo state now, I suddenly came to this conclusion that I might not able to realise my traveling-to-Europe dream until I die. Maybe I will die young I wouldn't know. Yeah this caused me to feel really sad.

Another thing, I cannot emphasise enough how much I hate people not answering my question in FB. To be clear, they didn't reply it late, they never reply. Maybe they're busy until they forget so I don't blame them. But it also means that that person doesn't think you're important enough to be remembered and that's just sad. Maybe I did that to someone else too but I try not to. And everytime someone does that I can't help but thinking that did I do something that offended the said person? Yes, I think too much.

Anyway, I think most friends come and go. I've gone through enough experience to learn that. Those that would stay, will stay. But still can't prevent myself from feeling sad haih...