It's been a VERY long time since my last blog post. I'm not sure why either I'm too lazy or I have no mood at all.

Now I'm in my final year of pharmacy. Very soon I'll have to decide which path of career should I take. The problem is I'm still lost!  And because of this I'm very stressed up to the point that I'm scared that I will get depression. Well, this maybe common for final year students but is it normal that I don't feel like doing anything. Even not enjoying watching dramas and movies that much.

After I went for the career day in my uni this morning, I got even more depressed. My confidence level dropped somemore wtf. Perhaps I shouldn't aim for big pharmaceutical companies like Pfizer and Zuelig. I don't think they want me as employee because I'm so passive.

I hate my passive nature actually. They said this can be changed if you train yourself but it is easier said than done. Looking at the list of qualities that employers wish to see in their employees, I think I don't fit mostly. My confidence sucks right now.

And then to do my PRP training at hospital or industry? If hospital, private or government?
After the 1-month hospital posting I just feel more and more that hospital is not the thing for me. I'm not passionate towards clinical care of the patients. I don't look forward to working with other healthcare professionals. Private hospitals have only a few vacancies for PRP as well as registered pharmacists so I think it will be competitive.

Industry then? But I scared if I do PRP in industry and found that I don't like it either, I can't go back to hospital anymore. Community/retail pharmacy also feel quite boring to me when I did elective at a community pharmacy.

Although money is not really a priority for me, it must also be considered at least. They said sales and marketing would be the most lucrative. My dad would love this. But I won't be a good sales representative obviously. I wouldnt like it either.

I would really like to try the quality  control /assurance field. However in Malaysia it's quite unlikely to have vacancies in this I think? Furthermore, most of the things I learned in IMU are clinical-based. A bit wasted lah if I go industry?

Sometimes I just want to live a simple life. I'm not an ambitious person really. I don't have much desire for things. But I'm very ai mian zi. So it's very contradicting =.=

Well, I think I shall starting improving myself from now on (a little late? lol). Perhaps I will do internship in a small pharmaceutical company first while waiting for the government hospital PRP posting.

This post I just suddenly wanted to write because I feel like I'm gonna fall down deep into the sea of depression if I don't. I'm really scared since I have a family history of depression =.= And this is also why I consider to live a simple life. Health and family are the most important things in life for me. I can't really talk to my parents about this like what my second sister always does. I don't feel like adding to their burden.

Yeah so the next post is probably gonna be a long time from now.

Till then, ciao!