Haih... I feel so terribly emo now... Feel like crying even... But I couldn't cry coz it's still early. Probably when I go to bed I can cry...

Gosh it's so hard to be positive-minded.. Perhaps it's true that some people's bodies have more depressing genes or less happy neurotransmitters or whatever.. Or perhaps I'm just so used to negative thinking that I didn't have enough practice on positive thinking.

I'm now still hopelessly waiting for the government hospital posting. Many friends had already started their PRP at private premises. They might already even get their license when I start my PRP soon. I guess the reason why I'm still waiting is, not because I really wanted to work in the government hospital, but its because I don't know what I want to do with my life.

If I know that I like working as a community pharmacist, it would just make everything easier. I could just do my PRP training in a retail pharmacy. But after working for 1 year plus in a retail pharmacy, I don't feel like I have passion in this career? Some friends had some moment of satisfaction when their patients/customers expressed their gratitude. I didn't even experienced that before. Maybe a little but not like really really huge happiness that I gained from it.

Lol I don't think I enjoy helping people although many research showed that social interaction contributes to happiness.

And then there's the feeling of life is unfair. I know that this is the kind of thinking that will make me unhappy but I just can't help it. I need to work on my emotional intelligence lol. Why did I fail the first interview? Did the interviewer sense that I was not that passionate about the job? Well I'm sure that not all the people who got the job are passionate. Was it because I'm too introverted? But some friends who were introverts got the job too.

Actually I think I shouldn't have studied pharmacy. Perhaps I would be better off studying something related to design. Or not... I don't know.. Why do some people so easily find what they love and what they're good at?

Sometimes I hope I could experience a really bad failure in my life, because even if my life is not that perfect, at least it's not average, which is boring... And usually those successful people experience great failure before they succeed right..

Haih.. My life is so meaningless right now... Don't have anything to look forward to.. Don't have anything that I'm passionate about.. What is the point of living really?