I found my life rather meaningless these days.

There were so many things that I've done these days that others might perceive as "meaningful", but nah not to me.

First of all, visiting the old folks home obviously should be a meaningful thing to do. Well, the only thing I learnt is I'm so useless, in the sense that I couldn't even chat with the elderly. Some people are just so natural with this, and I'm so so envious of these people. I couldn't even chat with someone of my age (OK not every time).

I feel like my brain works so slow during conversations and I often don't know how to react/respond appropriately. So, to avoid giving a wrong response I have to think for so long, then I might as well just forget it. This is the problem of most introverts out there I think. Sometimes I hate being an introvert, I wanna be an extrovert, but on the other hand, I also hate the noise that extroverts make, that they are not as considerate. For example, my mother and my sis (not sure she introvert or extrovert though, but she sure is the most extrovert among the siblings). Erm, I don't hate my mother's noise (though I think her voice is very loud), but I super hate my sis's voice o.O I also don't know why! Is it because she always says things without thinking or just plainly her voice that is so annoying?! There are other extroverts that I know but I cannot mention it here hehe. OK out of the topic already!

So during the visit, I'm assigned to measure blood pressure for the elderly (I asked my friend who was the activity planner to give me the job one wakaka). Ugh, and I thought it should be easy. No. There was this old lady whose arm was too big and I couldn't even secure the cuff. Then, I didn't know what to do, wanted to find the lecturer but he was not around, so I looked around helplessly. Then, a course mate came, she offered to use her hand to hold the cuff in place... o.O After that, something funny happened. As you all know, the cuff will inflate when it is measuring right? It inflated to the extend that my course mate couldn't hold it anymore so it just opened. xD I tried very hard not to laugh out of professionalism, and I did not, maybe a hint of smile xD I feel funny not because of anything but our stupidity!!! xD

Then, there's a popo who's 80 something if I remembered correctly, talked a lot to me after I finish measuring her blood pressure. I told her that her BP was kinda high and asked her to see a doctor (=.= typical noob pharmacist), then she said she couldn't sleep because her sister got this cancer, her brother got that cancer, her cousin got what cancer.............................................. When I don't know how to react, finally a course mate who I believe is natural at having conversation with the elderly, came to rescue me T.T

I typed so long about my uselessness just to explain why I think I have no passion in being a pharmacist! In fact, 80% of the people in my group didn't want to be a pharmacist. They wanted to study something else,  but their parents insist they study pharmacy. In a way, I also studied pharmacy because of my dad, because he said pharmacist can earn a lot =.= Well, I don't know what else to study anyway! I have no passion in nothing! I really don't know! I'm easily bored so when I love something it couldn't last. Or maybe I'm just that kind of person who's 三分钟热度. And these kind of people are always presumed to be people who won't succeed in their lives. Does that mean I won't succeed in my life? But how do you define success? How do you define life? I don't know how to define it for myself also! Do I really wanna be rich?!

Actually in the deep end, everyone just wanna be happy. But it's impossible to be happy all the time. There's no eternal happiness no matter what other people said F3. Life is just like a roller coaster, there always has to be ups and downs. So, I'll just go with the flow then. Maybe my mum is right about me, I never try too hard. So I'll always be mediocre. I just don't want to torture myself :/ Why want to make life so hard?

BTW finding info for my research and I don't think I will pursue a Master's Degree =.= It's damn dull. I don't want to waste my time sitting in front of the computer and reading journals with the hope that I can produce something innovative that can benefit human kind! Not even for the amount of salary that I can get if I've got a PhD!

Water rationing at my hostel starts on this Friday and it will last for ONE WHOLE MONTH! The best part is, it is the time when my dad goes to China, which means I will be staying at the hostel for 3 WHOLE WEEKS. My house also included in the water rationing but at least my house has got water tank so we can bathe, but in hostel I think we have to skip shower if we really got no water T.T

Furthermore, I will miss "I am a Singer" finale on TV this Friday! Damn... I really like that show, the participants are really great singers and they have really powerful bands. Watching it on YouTube is not as great as watching on TV :(

This singer, Zhang Jie, I never really pay attention to him although he is quite famous in China. After he sang this song and got No.1 in that episode, I fell in love with him! He's got this "stage aura"(don't know how to call it in English, but in Chinese it's 台风) and great singing skills!