Mocha Jeanne: May 2013

Wowowow, I can't believe I really finish reading a novel series! I think it's the first series in my whole life! SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT!! Although it consists of merely 3 books =.= Wah I think I took forever to read them loh.

Anyway, I liked it. The ending was rather sad... not the usual happy ending that I always like. Can be considered as happy ending also lah. Eh, I don't know. Nonetheless, Katniss had chosen her guy! I don't want to say more about it after that "Gossip Girl incident" where I unintentionally became a spoiler for the ending. HAHA. I'm still a bit confused with the ending though lol. When I was reading halfway near the end, I kept thinking why it still wouldn't end. Not that the part of story was boring. It's because I couldn't wait to know the ending!! That part was so sad OK! Sad until I think I can't stand it anymore! So many people died! Those characters that I liked died :( And WTH after I finished the book I still can't figure out the parachute thingy. Snow and Coin. Who were responsible for that tragedy?! Is that supposed to remain a mystery? Or I'm too stupid to figure that out lol. I shall google for answers later :P

For those who are considering whether to read The Hunger Games series or not, I would say go for it!

I didn't regret buying all 3 books. The first book - The Hunger Games - is my favourite albeit I've watched the movie before I read it. The second book - Catching Fire - is also fun to read. I find Mockingjay a little boring at the start but it starts to get interesting when the rebellion is finally in action! Because the preparation for the war is all about weapons and armours (those sci-fi thingy) that I'm not so interested in. Hehe. Guys probably would like it more. However, I think one should read all the three books because only then you can understand the pain and agony that Katniss feels. The third book can really make you visualise the war damage - on both the land and the hearts of people - and you'll pray that no war's gonna happen in the future.

I think that's it coz I don't know how to describe my feelings anymore. I'm not good at expressing my feelings and neither at praising a book =.=

Now I can't wait for the Catching Fire movie! Would everything be how I'd imagine it to be?! First time reading a book before a movie so I'm quite anticipating! There's still a long time to wait since it'll only be out around November...Sigh.

BTW I like Peeta more than Gale :) So here's a picture of them in Catching Fire!

Catching Fire - The Victory Tour

Apart from my lifeless, boring holidays, something's been bugging me a little lately. It might be nothing of importance, but this kind of things always consume a part of my brain. And I hate myself for that. My weakness that is.

There's this game friend who keeps asking me for something that I don't really wanna lend him. He has my number so it's quite impossible to totally avoid him without switching off my phone. Fortunately though I think he will never call me so I chose to ignore his text. So, he texted me twice. Probably thought that I didn't receive the message. :/ Well, I felt a bit guilty for ignoring him but it's definitely better than lying to him that I lent the thing to another friend, right? Or better than lending the thing to him. But actually it's not really a big deal if I lend the thing to him. I just don't like to lend important things to people (selfish me) especially when the someone always finds me only when he needs something from me! Not to mention that he still owes me a great amount of money (in-game)! I only lent him the money because I trusted him. He also said that he will pay back when he got the money but it's like FOREVER AND EVER he won't have the money! FUCK. Not that I need that money because I'm not playing that game so far. Argh, I feel like I'm being taken advantage of!

OK LA I'm stingy I admit!! Even if I don't need the money I still want to get back the money! Even if I don't play the game I still don't want to lend him the thing! I'm as selfish as that!

Nah I don't really want the money anymore but I've accumulated more and more dislike for him. If you borrow money from people, of course you should try your best to save money so that you can return it, right? But this fella, he keeps saying no money while he keeps upgrading his equipment. WTF apparently he takes me as granted! He thinks I'm very rich loh! Always says I can sell my "pearls" and I'll be rich! WTF I'm rich so what?! Rich then can take advantage of me ah?! That is still my money and I can do whatever I want with it! How STUPID I was to voluntarily lend him the money! [Words in maroon came out from my evil self]

Things will be made easier if I just stop thinking about it! But I just can't! Is this morally correct? Ignoring him? Will he just stop trying after the second message? What if he doesn't? What if he calls? What if he fb message me? I was thinking to pretend that I've gone to overseas for a vacation (therefore I didn't see the text msg) But WTF I can't be in overseas FOREVER right?! Maybe I can lie that my phone's broken =.= SWT! But that means I'm lying already! And I don't like people lying to me! How could I become the type of person that I dislike?! Then how???????

I'm stuck. I made it like it is a very big problem but actually it isn't LOL. I'm always like this one la. I'm always careful of what I think of other people. Because I don't want to think wrongly of other people, which I also don't want that to happen on myself. So I think the cause of this dilemma probably is I'm not sure whether this guy truly treats me as a friend or he is just using me. I wish I could read people's minds =.=

What should I do with him?! I think I'll just keep ignoring him even in fb. I'll vanish from his world! I don't care if he doesn't talk to me anymore as it's already been like that for ages. I don't care if I don't get my money or my outfit back.

It might be a small problem but I somehow think that the decision I make represents my character! So I always overthink stuff. Even if it's just a minor one. It sucks! Do I care too much about what other people think of me? :(

Wow, I thought I wouldn't have much to blog about this but... See! I've written quite long LOL

I think blogging can really help me to understand myself more lol.

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I've wanted to change hairstyle for ages! I think the day is finally coming! Next, next weekend~! Yeah, I guess most of the time when you don't have courage to do something, you can always find friends to do with you! So I'll be doing it with a friend! But I'm a bit worried that the outcome will not meet my expectation. I'm also in a small dilemma of what kind of curls I should get but I think I've made a decision lol (might change later.)

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My grandpa is dying. Not of diseases. No pain. But he looks weak and vulnerable. Skinny until can see his bones. Bruises all over his limbs. He can do nothing but lying on the bed 24/7. Sometimes he can sit on a chair for a maximum of 2 hours. He doesn't eat solid food anymore. He relies solely on milk and yet never feel hungry. He is slowly heading towards death. I believe this is what they called "die of old age" ?

If you wonder, how come I can still worry about my hairstyle when my grandpa is dying? Well, I'm not devastated because I've never been close to him. Not even when I was small, at least that's what I remember. Maybe because he and I are both people of few words.

I feel nothing. Except when I went to visit him with my mom. I was shocked when I saw his condition. He is so much different from the time when I saw him during CNY. I feel sad seeing him like this. Although I'm a pharmacy student, I realised that I don't know anything about drugs for aging. I feel helpless and useless. I don't know what can I do to help. I've read articles about old folks in the newspapers before, saying that we should talk to them more and try to make the last moments of their lives as happy as possible. I know and I seriously hope I can do that! But I can't. I can't even chat with acquaintances. Once my mom told my sisters and I to go into grandpa's room first and she'll come later. We ended up in awkward moments. I swear I tried very hard! I even spoke in Hokkien which was very rare for me! My sister still replied him in Mandarin BTW =.= HAHA and I think my grandpa also noticed that we don't have anything to talk about, so he told us to go chat with other relatives. We still insisted on staying in his room though lol and it was so AWKWARD. Because the only purpose of our visit was to see him what! I think we had made him feel awkward also lol.

Since my grandpa hardly has any energy at all, he can only lie on his bed 24/7. I think it must be very torturing for him. No entertainment at all. So this leads me into thinking: would I rather die or stay immobile? I can't decide, really. If I die, I can't see this beautiful world anymore. Can't see the faces of my beloveds. Don't know what will happen after I die (This is what makes us fear of death).

How long he can hang in there? It's kinda pointless to live when you can't do anything. I don't know how grandpa thinks. I hope I know. Then again I wish I'm a mind reader.

My dad must be having a dilemma also. To let grandpa keep trying health products? Or just let him die peacefully? Apparently, my dad haven't give up. However, my mom thinks that my dad still doesn't accept the fact that grandpa is dying and there's nothing we can do to stop that. I don't know which side I'm in. I hate having to choose sometimes. I'll probably go with the flow if one day I have to make this kind of decision. Believe my heart.

HA. That's it for this time.

Was reading through old classmates' blogs... some really old blog posts, like, during my SPM year. I miss those days... :( Speaking of old days, I had a blog in Windows Live Space. I really really want to get it back to read my old posts but sadly, Microsoft already deleted all blogs that were not transferred to WordPress. Shit. That was my first blog I guess. I can't really remember what I wrote in the blog. This just makes me want to get back the blog even more! I like to read back my old diary because I can see how much I've changed. Unfortunately, I don't keep a written diary. Well, actually I have one but I rarely write one (So many years already, still, only one diary.) That is why, I shall start blogging frequently from now on!

Dear Diary,

I think I'm one with no secret. I don't have anything to hide. You say, "Please la, don't geh geh! Who doesn't have secrets?" Maybe I have but I sure can't think of any right now. It's just that, I don't talk much to people. But if they ask, I will tell. OK I might not tell the complete story, but I'm not afraid that it will be known to others. I've written some things in that written diary of mine when I'm feeling EMO. Are they secrets? I wouldn't say so cause if I see them as secrets I would definitely lock up that diary and hide it somewhere safe. In fact, I just keep it in my study drawer. I do not fear that my mum will find and read it. They are just things that I can't just say to anyone because it would be AWKWARD. Ya. So I don't have any secret! Except I read hentai manga and play hentai flash games before. Ops...Did I just...

Since I've blurted it out accidentally, it's not a secret anymore, is it? HAHA so I wanna talk about one hentai manga I read before. I was attracted by it's unusual theme --- zoophilia. Yucks. It was between a japanese girl and a DOG. Gross, I know. I regretted reading it because after that I couldn't look at my dog the same way as before (Nah, just for few days! Hah!) Luckily, my dog's a bitch though! If my dog has penis (or what they called it for dogs?), I might start to avoid my dog because I'm scared I might do something insane. Teehee. Anyway, those hentai mangas are so boring! They keep describing the sex scenes only and all the sex scenes in all the mangas are somewhat the same! Yeah only PERVERTS would love to see those! I prefer to see how a pervert tricks an innocent girl to rape her! MUAHAHAHAHA. OMG Now who's the pervert? lol Don't judge me! I don't think I'm the only one who thinks like that! When you're watching a drama, any drama, wouldn't you like to see a girl's clothes being ripped off? Of course you would feel pity for that girl and hate the rapist. Me, too. It is not OK to do it in real life but we enjoy looking at these scenes. BTW I don't like to see naked bodies they are so gross. So, I'm not a pervert nor a sex addict ok! And I'm still a virgin!! LOL

On a side note, I think the Sunway Lagoon trip will be called off :( Sad sia...............

It's the 5th day of my holidays, and I already feel bored. I have a lot of things in my mind though, just don't have mood to do. What is wrong with me?!

I've watched a number of movies, as planned. The movies were great. But I'd love to read novels instead of watching movies all day. Sadly, whenever I start reading I'll feel sleepy I don't know why?! I think I've had enough sleep so definitely not tired. Must be the post-exam sleep disorder. It means I'll fall asleep when I read any book. It sounds like it doesn't make sense but let me explain. I dozed off a few times when I was doing revision because it was too boring. So I think that my brain got used to the behavioral pattern that when I read a book I sleep. Still doesn't make sense to u? Then forget it.

While I was in my exam week, few friends tried to date me. But what happened after my holiday starts? Nobody dates me :'( OK maybe coz I didn't really ask them or what, coz they seem quite busy. Except for my cousin, who doesn't have a car and not to mention ME, the lousy driver who can't pick her up. Haiz...and what happened to the Sunway Lagoon trip planned before exams with my course mates? Hmm I think it's still on...or not? Well, actually we've planned it to be on the first Monday after our exams. Then, one of us can't make it that day so she proposed to go on one day before our exam result is out. But now she told us to count her out because she have to take care of her sick grandma. Well, frankly to say, I'm a bit angry because, it's not the first time she bail on us. But how could I be angry with her if she wants to carry out her responsibility as a good granddaughter? But anyway, it's kinda serious to use the term "bail on" coz technically she didn't bail on us because it is still quite a long time until the day we are supposed to go Sunway Lagoon. Haizz the fact is, I'm not so sure about this trip...I'm not sure whether we will really have this trip because in the past, I've had so many trips planned but cancelled in the end. Like the graduation trip to Genting Highlands during secondary school. Arghh is it me? Is my presence in the group that always makes a trip cancelled? lol now I'm being ridiculous. I really really want to go Sunway Lagoon with friends!

Other than movies, books and trips, I'm also working on how to make myself pretty. Previously, natural beauty is my goal. But now I think it's kinda impossible for me. It's impossible for someone who isn't naturally pretty to be a natural beauty. Don't talk about inner beauty to me. People only want to know you if you look good. If you look ugly, nobody wants to know you and nobody will to know your inner beauty. And after reading Xiaxue's blog, I think it's ok to make up, style your hair, do plastic surgery...etc. Oh but I don't think I will do plastic surgery though lol. I want to draw eyebrows, eye liner, put on eye lashes, dye or curl my hair...but all these need money =.= I don't feel like using my parent's money for all these because I will feel guilty. So...I really don't know when I will really go and dye / curl my hair lol. Arghh there are so many restraints in my life! All the restraints I give myself one! I am stingy, I am so worried of what others think of me, I am a perfectionist (sort of), I think too much but never take action, I am pathetic, I am so not cool! Sien...

BTW, I've been told that I complain a lot recently coz I posted my complaints on facebook about the weather, government, etc. I'm starting to think that maybe I really am someone who likes to complain and annoys everyone around her lol.

OK now I want to watch a movie again. Keep watching love movie coz I'm lack of love lol. Good luck with my Sunway Lagoon trip!

Haiz... I think I screwed up the exam today. Might fail and if I really fail, I have to pay RM500 for a resit. Anyway I've expected this consequence but I am still drowned in a little sadness, enough sadness to make me abandon my revision and blog here. Perhaps the only thing that can make me happy is the biggest event that is happening in Malaysia right now. Yup. The event that involves every TRUE Malaysian (Bangladesh fuk off).

I think it is the most HEART-STIRRING elections we ever had in Malaysia. You see, I've been apathetic toward politics because I thought that I wouldn't make any difference anyway or because I didn't see how pathetic our country has became under the same government that has controlled the country for a fuking long period of 55 years! But this time...also perhaps because of the help of Facebook, more young people like me who doesn't read newspapers could be reached. And so young generations are more interested in politics now. That's a good thing ^^. Back to the election. The slogan of the opposition party has said it all: "INI KALILAH!" Just reading this two words can make me shed a tear (lol too sentimental huh?). It's not exaggerating loh! I have faith that this election might be one of the huge and memorable events in Malaysian's history!

It's not hard to predict the result...unless some party is doing dirty tricks again...erhem...If they win again, I might cry. If they win again, people might leave the country out of disappointment. If they win again, God has no eye!!! Argh let's think positive. Lets talk about some funny incidents related to this general election. There are a few really ridiculous one.

First one I encountered is the stupid video made by "Don't Know Who" (didn't mean to copy Harry Potter but I really don't know who mah). I couldn't find the video to post it here because I watched it on Facebook long time ago. But here's description about the video:

So it is narrated by a chinese girl who is a fresh university graduate (or going to graduate I forgot). BUT her voice is so disgusting and sounds like someone who couldn't even speak proper mandarin (pronunciation sucks). AND MOST ABSURD IS the content is about how good and peaceful our country is...how safe our street is... (the fact is people get killed by snatch thieves) how lucky we are to have our government...and other bullshits la. OK Actually before I watched it I already saw some comments regarding it that it is a fake one. So I know lah. The expression on that girl's face didn't match what the voice was saying at all. After that, I watched the "original" video. Now this is a really good video! So the original video is saying our country is corrupted..unsafe...blah blah all the opposites to the fake video, with a sweet girl's voice. Another difference is the subtitle that has been masked over with a new subtitle in the fake video.

Then like usual I like to read the comments on videos. LOL so many people scolding BN. OK it might looks like the fake video was being made by BN / BN supporters to fight back at PR. But the video was obviously too badly made, wasn't it? How on earth that BN that spend millions on advertising in TV, radio and YouTube would come out with such a low quality and absurd video?! Then who made that video u ask? There are 2 possibilities in my mind:

1) Some bored netizen - they were too lame and wanted to draw some attentions and views for their page.

2) Supporters of PR - who knows right? MAYBE they were the one who made this to create haters for their enemy. (Just my thought, not trying to accuse anyone)

3) Supporters of BN - might be also lah...they are just plain stupid and noob in video making (and common sense).

HAHA. So conclusion is: Don't believe everything u see on the internet (esp. Facebook). Sometimes TV and radio also cannot believe one. In the end you can only trust yourself :(

Another funny incident in this general election is of course the "singing king" lah. In case you didn't know, a candidate of BN claimed that he was the champion of some blah blah singing competition. And you think his silliness ends here. Yeah you wish! He even posted numerous MVs on his YouTube channel =.= Not that his singing is very nice to hear ok!! During his speech also he have to torture people with his singing! We are dealing with politics here not singing competition or whatsoever! On second thought, MAYBE he is trying to copy PSY (Another uncle that I don't quite fond of). See...They are both uncles. Their body shapes are somewhat similar. They both share the passion for music. So, politics is just a stepping-stone for his singing career *wink wink*

Last but not least, stupid advertisements by BN. So stupid that only ignorant people or old folks will believe. It's like there's nothing else that can be done to save themselves other than crapping bullshits.

Well, I can just hope for the best for our country. And my finals!! T.T

Two videos of Les Miserables songs that suits the atmosphere now!

My favouritest song! ONE DAY MORE

Second favourite song, DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING

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